updates

sorry for the lack of updates recently. I have been quite busy with work, moving house and unpacking. Yes I have finally settled down in York. *wipe sweat off brow* it was so tedious. Never again will we rent an unfurnished house. But then again, with the expensive rental in York, we were not willing to fork out at least 450pounds per month for a room each.

I'm starting off with paeds which is a total whole new world for me. I'm so used to adult medicine that my brain automatically thinks of everything adult. Even prescribing meds and fluids is so troublesome as everything goes according to body weight. I have yet to start venepuncture or cannulation on children. I find it quite exciting though as it will be very challenging to perform these on them. Hopefully my eardrum will come out in one piece by the end of placement though.

Again the thought of leaving UK for good has been haunting me. not just one but a few people I know are leaving/have left UK to start work in Spore. Everything sounds too good to be true there-the lucrative salary, the allowances and lower taxes. I know if I go back I will face hectic working hours, the fierce competition for training posts (and difficulty getting into a training programme) and not-so-friendly seniors. But will I be a happier person there? Is spore close enough to be called 'home'? Is it a place where I can finally settle down and do not have to worry about the constant move? How about Australia? will it be a better choice than spore? but again i'm a bit sick and tired of being on ang-moh land.

I have lots of things to blog about but the problem with me is that these thoughts are random and they disappear as soon as they appear in my head. I can never complete a sentence without jumping to the next. So I have got lots of drafted blog posts which are never complete :(

anyway...

can you believe it's march already?! the thought of me ending f1 and entering f2 sends me hyperventilating. It's not because I'm not ready for f2, but because I haven't got most of my skills in my eportfolio signed off. Not to mention the elearning which I'm supposed to do once a week...eeks. I guess honeymoon period is over for me now. my life is starting to get a little busier now coz I realised I need to start focusing and planning ahead. there are a few goals in mind and I hope to achieve them by the end of f1/start of f2.

I have kinda settled down in Hull now. I'm starting to like this place although it's rather small and boring. But it's a good place for shopping and surprise surprise I found friends here in Hull. I thought it would be just me and Esther for the whole year but we somehow managed to make friends with the bruneians and malaysians here. One of them is even from Miri! my hometown! such a small world. So thankful to God for the community He has blessed me with. Also for the friends and the job He has given me. What more could I ask for :) :)

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last week one patient crashed.

He was my patient and I remember speaking to the cons the morning of his death re his antiobiotics. But my cons reassured me and said, to continue with current treatment and monitor bloods. On that fateful day, I happened to be on the same bay as the patient reviewing another patient. Suddenly I heard a shout, from the auxillary nurse, 'doc doc, quick see this patient!' I turned my head to look across the bed and lo and behold, the patient laid motionless, as white as sheet and lifeless on the bed.

I used to wonder, if i were the first on the scene of a crash call, would I be confident enough to perform CPR. I didn't have time to think about that when I saw him. I rushed over, shook him violently and start yelling, 'mr x mr x can u hear me?'. No response. I checked his pulse. No pulse. And I started compressing his chest.

The nurse with me was shaking like a leaf. I said, 'quick, get the oxygen mask 15l and get the other two docs to come. Has the crash call been sent out yet.' I was amazed that I could even said something like that. soon my colleagues came and took over from me.

The patient passed away 30 min later after 3 shots of adrenaline and 30min of CPR.

i cant help but think if I have missed anything out with my management that could possibly have prevented his death. Should we have done more for his sepsis? he was in fact the youngest patient on my ward so it was very unexpected that he passed away.

***

Today, another thing happened which I can't blog about but it has made me realised how much responsibility we (junior docs) have on patients' lives. I cant help thinking about it on my way back home...sigh. A lesson learnt but a costly one too...

I am not really good at penning my thoughts and feelings. These two incidents have made me feel rather disappointed at myself. Yes, i know i can improve on what I could have/should have done in the future but still it might cost a patient's life in every mistake that we make. The scary part is that this is just the beginning of my career and there are still more to come and more responsibilities to bear in the future.

the ward is always a better place to work when your seniors are nice and friendly.

me love my consultant on my ward. it makes me aspire to be like her when i become one in the future.

i have always been a fond reader of Roald Dahl to the point i bought the whole set of his books. I remembered the first book i read was Mathilda and it was so entertaining, funny, and unique. I loved the illustrations that went with it because i thought the odd-looking stick drawings of the people somehow fit in with the quirkiness of the story.

anyway, I have been reading thsi book called 'kiss kiss' on my way to work. never have i felt more entertained in the bus than before hahah. the short stories which i have read so far were quite morbid but i love the unexpected ending in each of them. just like when watching an intense, suspenseful movie, you could feel your heart thumping against your chest. This book gives you the same feeling of wanting to know what will happen next just that you have to read it slowly so that you don't miss the sequence.

don't know why i wrote this post because I don't see the purpose of it but this is just one of my daily ramblings of what my rather unexciting life. I remember when i was still a student, I used to read revision books in the bus but phew, I don't do that now. thank you Roald Dahl for making my trip to work less boring :)

PS: oh...I'm might be going for a holiday to Madrid in feb! I think it was an impulsive move to book my tickets even before my leave was approved but because the airtickets offer was ending soon and I had to do something quick. cant wait!

hello 2012

it's 2012. cant believe how time flies. i remember when i first started med school in 2006, 2011 sounded so far away but now 2011 has ended and it's 2012. i'm getting old *shudders*

right...reflections for 2011! i cant really remember bad things that happened last year, either there wasn't any bad memories or my memory selectively remembers the good things. heheh.

1. friendships

I think we kinda grew closer this year because Y was staying together with MH and Thz in the same apartment. So we always visited them and ended up playing games at their house on most weekends.

2. went to graduation ball and had the best time of my life.

3. went to barcelona and germany with the siblings.

breathtaking view at Montserrat

kognisee, germany - would love to go back there again

4. cell group

was a cell group leader and got to know many of my cell members! Stressful at times but God led me through and I miss those times of leading.

5. i graduated!! and started work

graduating marked the close of one chapter and the opening of another in my life. The transition from a student to a young professional and the change from the familiar to an unknown environment.

i have stopped writing new year resolutions because I don't think I fulfilled any of them. haha. Not going to post them on this blog either or else paiseh if I don't meet them.

This year new year was different because I didn't choose to spend it in Leeds but in Hull. It was celebrated with sis (not with steph tho coz she was working) and a few friends. it was a small cosy group which I particularly liked because it wasn't very cramp and there were lots of food. No pictures yet but will post (if i have time) when i get the pics.

happy new year! :)

PS: oklah i changed my mind, maybe i should write my new year resolutions. the list is not exhaustive though:

1. get driving licence

2. do an audit (or at least one)

3. maintain weight

4. pass foundation year 1

5. get a boyfriend lol

6. get involved in a mission trip

7. achieve something which is non-clinical (haih need to start preparing for CMT)