Friday, November 26, 2010

"follow me"

i'm inclined to share with you my quiet time which I did on my way back home from Bradford. It was in the book of Matthew, chapter 9 where Jesus called Matthew to be one of his disciples and although it was short passage, it spoke to me.

Matthew 9:9
9 As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

I wonder why of all people, did Jesus see a tax collector?
What caught Jesus' eyes?
What was Matthew doing? was he crying or waving at Jesus that caught Jesus' attention?

The bible is very quiet about this.

Jesus must have seen something that other people can't see.

Perhaps Matthew wasn't crying or waving at him.
Perhaps he was sitting at the booth counting coins, performing the daily duties of a tax collector. But deep within inside his heart, he feels that empty. He feels that there's something more to life than just collecting coins. He feels the pain and hurt from rejected by people.

He wonders if there is someone who could close the gap in his heart and perhaps at that very moment of the time his heart might be crying out, 'if there is a God, reveal yourself to me and I'm willing to let go of everything to follow you!!"

Jesus knows the condition of his heart and I think that's what caught Jesus' attention.

That was when Jesus approached him, "Follow me". In Matthew's mind, he must be so amazed and so surprised because someone heard his cry for help and it was God! Jesus came seeking for him!

and that's why he stood up, left everything he has and followed Jesus.

I would like to imagine Matthew feeling hopeless and meaningless about life and his spirit broken. Because in Psalms 51:17

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

By being broken, we can approach God humbly; not proud, not arrogant, not relying on our strength and not being selfish.

Supposedly if Matthew was at the top of his world, at the peak of his career and success, he wouldn't have left everything and follow Jesus. He would be thinking, 'why is this mad man asking me to follow Him. No way!!'

But Matthew was humble and broken when Jesus called him. Life has disappointed him, it has broken him down to the point where he can't pick himself up anymore.

God knows the condition of our heart even when we are trying to hide from everyone else.

I thank you God for seeking me when I was lost and hopeless. You picked me up when my life was broken and you called me. I did not respond instantly as Matthew did because I have doubts and did not have faith in you.

I realised I can't do things on my own strength and will but to fully depend on Yours. I have to let go of things that are dear to me because it's Your will and not mine to be fulfilled.


Tuesday, November 02, 2010

my birthday!!

Very happy and very touched.

Thank you all who came to surprise me. Thank you Van who organised everything (and the cake too). Thanks Sonia and Van who did the make up. Thank you to those who came for dinner at Red Chillies. Thank you Steph for the kuey tiaw and the paitesserie cake and the necklace. And thank you all for the handbag! I am kinda bad at expressing my emotions but I really like the bag!!!!! so soft and it smells like leather hahaha

I din dare to hope so much for fear of disappointment. But am really grateful and appreciative of all the efforts you guys made, especially for coming all the way, braving through the cold and rain to surprise me.