updates

sorry for the lack of updates recently. I have been quite busy with work, moving house and unpacking. Yes I have finally settled down in York. *wipe sweat off brow* it was so tedious. Never again will we rent an unfurnished house. But then again, with the expensive rental in York, we were not willing to fork out at least 450pounds per month for a room each.

I'm starting off with paeds which is a total whole new world for me. I'm so used to adult medicine that my brain automatically thinks of everything adult. Even prescribing meds and fluids is so troublesome as everything goes according to body weight. I have yet to start venepuncture or cannulation on children. I find it quite exciting though as it will be very challenging to perform these on them. Hopefully my eardrum will come out in one piece by the end of placement though.

Again the thought of leaving UK for good has been haunting me. not just one but a few people I know are leaving/have left UK to start work in Spore. Everything sounds too good to be true there-the lucrative salary, the allowances and lower taxes. I know if I go back I will face hectic working hours, the fierce competition for training posts (and difficulty getting into a training programme) and not-so-friendly seniors. But will I be a happier person there? Is spore close enough to be called 'home'? Is it a place where I can finally settle down and do not have to worry about the constant move? How about Australia? will it be a better choice than spore? but again i'm a bit sick and tired of being on ang-moh land.

I have lots of things to blog about but the problem with me is that these thoughts are random and they disappear as soon as they appear in my head. I can never complete a sentence without jumping to the next. So I have got lots of drafted blog posts which are never complete :(

anyway...

can you believe it's march already?! the thought of me ending f1 and entering f2 sends me hyperventilating. It's not because I'm not ready for f2, but because I haven't got most of my skills in my eportfolio signed off. Not to mention the elearning which I'm supposed to do once a week...eeks. I guess honeymoon period is over for me now. my life is starting to get a little busier now coz I realised I need to start focusing and planning ahead. there are a few goals in mind and I hope to achieve them by the end of f1/start of f2.

I have kinda settled down in Hull now. I'm starting to like this place although it's rather small and boring. But it's a good place for shopping and surprise surprise I found friends here in Hull. I thought it would be just me and Esther for the whole year but we somehow managed to make friends with the bruneians and malaysians here. One of them is even from Miri! my hometown! such a small world. So thankful to God for the community He has blessed me with. Also for the friends and the job He has given me. What more could I ask for :) :)

untitled

last week one patient crashed.

He was my patient and I remember speaking to the cons the morning of his death re his antiobiotics. But my cons reassured me and said, to continue with current treatment and monitor bloods. On that fateful day, I happened to be on the same bay as the patient reviewing another patient. Suddenly I heard a shout, from the auxillary nurse, 'doc doc, quick see this patient!' I turned my head to look across the bed and lo and behold, the patient laid motionless, as white as sheet and lifeless on the bed.

I used to wonder, if i were the first on the scene of a crash call, would I be confident enough to perform CPR. I didn't have time to think about that when I saw him. I rushed over, shook him violently and start yelling, 'mr x mr x can u hear me?'. No response. I checked his pulse. No pulse. And I started compressing his chest.

The nurse with me was shaking like a leaf. I said, 'quick, get the oxygen mask 15l and get the other two docs to come. Has the crash call been sent out yet.' I was amazed that I could even said something like that. soon my colleagues came and took over from me.

The patient passed away 30 min later after 3 shots of adrenaline and 30min of CPR.

i cant help but think if I have missed anything out with my management that could possibly have prevented his death. Should we have done more for his sepsis? he was in fact the youngest patient on my ward so it was very unexpected that he passed away.

***

Today, another thing happened which I can't blog about but it has made me realised how much responsibility we (junior docs) have on patients' lives. I cant help thinking about it on my way back home...sigh. A lesson learnt but a costly one too...

I am not really good at penning my thoughts and feelings. These two incidents have made me feel rather disappointed at myself. Yes, i know i can improve on what I could have/should have done in the future but still it might cost a patient's life in every mistake that we make. The scary part is that this is just the beginning of my career and there are still more to come and more responsibilities to bear in the future.

the ward is always a better place to work when your seniors are nice and friendly.

me love my consultant on my ward. it makes me aspire to be like her when i become one in the future.

i have always been a fond reader of Roald Dahl to the point i bought the whole set of his books. I remembered the first book i read was Mathilda and it was so entertaining, funny, and unique. I loved the illustrations that went with it because i thought the odd-looking stick drawings of the people somehow fit in with the quirkiness of the story.

anyway, I have been reading thsi book called 'kiss kiss' on my way to work. never have i felt more entertained in the bus than before hahah. the short stories which i have read so far were quite morbid but i love the unexpected ending in each of them. just like when watching an intense, suspenseful movie, you could feel your heart thumping against your chest. This book gives you the same feeling of wanting to know what will happen next just that you have to read it slowly so that you don't miss the sequence.

don't know why i wrote this post because I don't see the purpose of it but this is just one of my daily ramblings of what my rather unexciting life. I remember when i was still a student, I used to read revision books in the bus but phew, I don't do that now. thank you Roald Dahl for making my trip to work less boring :)

PS: oh...I'm might be going for a holiday to Madrid in feb! I think it was an impulsive move to book my tickets even before my leave was approved but because the airtickets offer was ending soon and I had to do something quick. cant wait!

hello 2012

it's 2012. cant believe how time flies. i remember when i first started med school in 2006, 2011 sounded so far away but now 2011 has ended and it's 2012. i'm getting old *shudders*

right...reflections for 2011! i cant really remember bad things that happened last year, either there wasn't any bad memories or my memory selectively remembers the good things. heheh.

1. friendships

I think we kinda grew closer this year because Y was staying together with MH and Thz in the same apartment. So we always visited them and ended up playing games at their house on most weekends.

2. went to graduation ball and had the best time of my life.

3. went to barcelona and germany with the siblings.

breathtaking view at Montserrat

kognisee, germany - would love to go back there again

4. cell group

was a cell group leader and got to know many of my cell members! Stressful at times but God led me through and I miss those times of leading.

5. i graduated!! and started work

graduating marked the close of one chapter and the opening of another in my life. The transition from a student to a young professional and the change from the familiar to an unknown environment.

i have stopped writing new year resolutions because I don't think I fulfilled any of them. haha. Not going to post them on this blog either or else paiseh if I don't meet them.

This year new year was different because I didn't choose to spend it in Leeds but in Hull. It was celebrated with sis (not with steph tho coz she was working) and a few friends. it was a small cosy group which I particularly liked because it wasn't very cramp and there were lots of food. No pictures yet but will post (if i have time) when i get the pics.

happy new year! :)

PS: oklah i changed my mind, maybe i should write my new year resolutions. the list is not exhaustive though:

1. get driving licence

2. do an audit (or at least one)

3. maintain weight

4. pass foundation year 1

5. get a boyfriend lol

6. get involved in a mission trip

7. achieve something which is non-clinical (haih need to start preparing for CMT)

MRCP or MRCPaeds??

woke up at 8.50 today when i was supposed to be work at 9am and my workplace is 40min away by bus!

funnily enough, i managed to wash and moisturise my face just before hoping onto the taxi to work . #vainpot lol

have a good weekend everyone! i'm going down to london tomorrow

hi all!

some how i cant sleep because i just finished work and with all the adrenaline rush, i think i'm still suffering from the consequences of its effect.

it was changeover last wed, which means almost all junior doctors, change to a different rotation. So, i'm on elderly medicine ward at the moment.

initially i thought, hey it wasn't that bad...the doctors are nice etc. but this week, i think i'm starting to realise that elderly med is actually really bad. it's so understaffed that it's only my F2 and I on the ward. so I have to conduct my own ward round every day. plus, my registrar doesn't seem to understand the doctors hierachy very well coz he asked me if i was a GP trainee when it clearly said on my badge that i was a F1. I think he seemed quite annoyed with me coz i'm always asking him questions and he's always very miserable.

it's so sad to see patients dying too. maybe by the end of the rotation i will get used to it but still, it's depressing. I had to talk to a patient's wife today because the patient told his wife to speak to us. She agreed with us that he was not improving and seems to be dying anytime soon and she said she doesn't know why her husband kept pestering her to speak to us.

anyway, after talking to her, she went back to see her husband briefly before leaving the ward. When she was leaving, she suddenly grabbed my hand and said, 'doctor, i know why my husband wanted me to speak to you. he knows he's dying and he wants the doctor to tell me that. now he's happy that i know'.

i don't knwo how you felt but i felt very sad at that point. even at his deathbed, he was still concerned about his wife and he wanted her to know that he was going but he couldn't bear to speak about death to her.

so that's my random update on elderly medicine. i wonder if i can get any positiveness out of this rotation?

'doctor, please, just let me die, please'

i never knew how depressing and helpless it would be for me to hear those words myself.

useless post

ok i should revive this blog coz it's kinda dead.

i should try to blog more often if you dont mind reading rather useless and boring posts. so boring i think i can hypnotize you to sleep.

but anyway! i have worked for 4 months now! I think i have learned a lot now compared to how i was in the beginning although i don't feel it. I remembered when i first started work, a nurse was asking my colleague to listen to a patient's chest because it sounded crackly. I remembered telling myself, 'woah what should I do, i would be so terrified to do anything'. now it will be like, 'cheh, crackles in lungs. nothing one. hahaha' (exaggerating only lol, i won't totally ignore the patient). and another thing i learned is: do not totally follow what the nurses tell you to do. Just because they have eaten more salt in the working environment, doesn't mean you have to do everything what they say. i digress.

dun wana talk about work, i wana talk about the things i bought with my first pay! actually i think it was even before my first pay that i bought them :S. haha. i'm using ipod to take the photos so the quality is quite bad.

i bought a keyboard and a guitar! I think the model is CDP 100. it's a full size keyboard with weighted keys but I don't really like the sound quality from the keyboard as I think yamaha one is better. Otherwise it was a really good keyboard for its price and it came with a stand and headphones too! I bought the guitar after looking on my uni portal ( i still had access that time) and one guy was sellign it second hand! so lucky!

so i thought since i started working, i should start looking after myself more. you know with those nights and winter months coming, I'd better start moisturising my skin and protect it from aging! i spent many hours loitering around the beauty section of a departmental store because i was so scared to approach the sales girl to ask questions HAHA. some of the products had no price tags on and i didn't know what the functions are (clarifying lotion, serum, cleanser, toner etc). who knows later i feel obliged into buying the products before doing proper research on others first.

i then went back and spent countless hours on the internet searching and looking for the best deals. I initially wanted clinique or clarins (but not lancome because steph uses it and i don't want to end up using the same as her LOL) but somehow i saw a few blogs which recommended shiseido and a rather newcomer brand hada labo. Knowing these are not easily available in the UK, i painstakingly searched the internet and managed to find a company which imports them at rather reasonable price.


The borghese cleanser was a rather impulsive buy coz it was on sales and it was quite cheap. I haven't started using it as i'm still using my other cleanser. I love the shiseido moisturising lotion to bits!i hv used a few moisturising lotions before and they are either sticky or cause redness on my face. this one doesn't stick to my face after applying and it's so smooth and absorbs so well! i think it was 37pounds for a 75ml bottle but it's the best i've tried! when i go back msia, i shall stock up on this brand.

the hada labo moisturising lotion (toner) is quite unique i think. It looks and feels like water but it's not. the way you apply the toner is by putting a few drops on your palm and pat it onto your face until it absorbs. i think my skin does feel soft and smooth after applying but i cant really compare to other toners coz this is my first toner.

I think that's all for today! it's been a crazy past one month with work and also shopping! so much shopping until i forgot what I've bought. that's the danger of staying only 5 min from major departmental stores like tk maxx and debenhams. but no worries, i'm also saving money daddy and mummy lol.

dear patients

dear patients,

i wish you could stop pulling out your cannulas or NG tube because you know how difficult it is to put one in and yet you do not appreciate our effort and time in helping you get better.

I wish you could leave some sweets/chocolates (preferably not celebrations but Thorntons or something better or home bake food please) for us before being discharge because who knows it will be our lunch when it gets busy on the ward.

I wish you would know us by our first names instead of doctor coz it sounds more personal and it makes us feel more appreciated because you bothered to look at our name card.

I wish you would help us ease our burden by allowing the phlebs take your blood instead of requesting doctors to do it.

I wish you would know that there's no point trying to fake a pain because we know you are.

I wish you could differentiate us between nurses so that you do not call me a nurse whenever I walk past you.

I also wish that you wouldn't trouble us with things like trying to get to the toilet/commode but wait patiently for the nurses to respond to your buzzer.

watch! the importance of having Christ in the centre of our lives :)

totally random!

but a big HI to all my blog readers!!

Germany

I just returned from a trip in Germany with the sisters. I really love Germany because the transport system is a lot better than UK and it's so organised! We got very confused a few times though and wasted some precious time waiting for a subway that never came because we didn't understand the system. But I like the way the transport works in which it tries to make traveling cheaper and easier for people traveling in groups. For example, the partner-day ticket allows a maximum of 5 people to travel on a 9.80euro day rider which would cost about 1.96euros per person which is so cheap!

anyway, not gonna talk much here heheh, let the pics do the talking.

lake Kognisee:

my fav shot:

Residenz museum

Neuschwanstein castle

Seeing the breathtaking scenery in lake Kognisee reminded me of how great our God is in creating such beauty. If the lake is that pretty already, I wonder how much more beautiful will heaven be? That, is beyond my imagination.

I thank God because when I prayed for good weather He provided us with sunny warm weather throughout the trip. It drizzled slightly on the first day in Berlin but for the rest of the trip in Munich, the castle and the lake, the weather was superb. The most amazing thing is that only when we were leaving Munich for the airport, it started raining. How good our God is!

Another thing is that there was a problem with our train ticket from the lake to Munich. we decided to take an earlier train which required us to get on a train to Salzburg and then get on an express train from Salzburg back to Munich. What we didn't know is that our ticket terms and conditions clearly stated in German that we were not allowed to use express trains. My instinct told me that I shouldn't board the train but we still did anyway and I was very worried that we might get kicked off the train lol. So the time came for the conductor to check tickets and I was pretty worried. Before he took a look at our ticket, I silently said a prayer asking God to let all things be fine with our tickets. The conductor shook his head when he saw our ticket and said "no, no, you shouldn't be using this train. Your ticket is only valid for slow regional trains." WIth that, he walked off to check others ticket.We were not fined or kicked off the train! how relieved I felt when he walked off, God answers even small prayers like this!

overall I also thank God for the smooth journey we had when the sisters traveled together. There were a few mini bickerings (as steph put it) throughout the trip but fortunately there wasn't any major emotional damage. I have also managed to withstand Steph's criticism who said the only good picture I took of her was this pic below lololol. hahaha :P

But am also glad and thank God that they tolerated me throughout the trip because I took them to walk a super long journey to Hofbrahaus instead of using the subway and they tolerated my crankiness and blurness haha. It's quite amazing how God gives people of the same parents and same upbringing different personalities and character and how we can still tolerate and love each other despite the differences. how boring life would be without these sisters around to keep me company heheh :)

WE PASSED!!!

all glory to God :D

ok exams over, now what?

many people have asked me what have I been doing since exams ended last thurs.

To be honest and I think everyone would agree, the busier times are usually after exams and not before because there are so many things to sort out and that includes Hull accom, employment contract and the upcoming Germany trip.

But every single day after exams we have been blessed with good food.

nasi lemak at Bette's house. I went over to learn some cooking tips from her. hehehehe. will try cooking it one day

MH the masterchef

yummy roast leg of lamb. It was really good!

we cooked for the house and Steph gatecrashed our dinner by suddenly turning up in front of our door

Next week the 3 sisters will be off in Germany and we haven't planned the itinerary for it yet. But the good thing is that we got accommodation and transport sorted.

I don't know how to feel after my exams.

it's a long and anxious wait for results. All glory be unto God if I pass.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" - 2 Corinthians 12:9

TWO DOWN AND TWO TO GO!!

something to thank God for...

He granted me physical strength to carry on today's test even though I was so tired as I haven't been sleeping properly for the past two nights. I was feeling very tired and my brain was too tired to carry on when I was revising during the quarantine period before my test. But 10 minutes before we were due to go in, I suddenly felt very alert, energised and refreshed. so really thank God for that :D