untitled

last week one patient crashed.

He was my patient and I remember speaking to the cons the morning of his death re his antiobiotics. But my cons reassured me and said, to continue with current treatment and monitor bloods. On that fateful day, I happened to be on the same bay as the patient reviewing another patient. Suddenly I heard a shout, from the auxillary nurse, 'doc doc, quick see this patient!' I turned my head to look across the bed and lo and behold, the patient laid motionless, as white as sheet and lifeless on the bed.

I used to wonder, if i were the first on the scene of a crash call, would I be confident enough to perform CPR. I didn't have time to think about that when I saw him. I rushed over, shook him violently and start yelling, 'mr x mr x can u hear me?'. No response. I checked his pulse. No pulse. And I started compressing his chest.

The nurse with me was shaking like a leaf. I said, 'quick, get the oxygen mask 15l and get the other two docs to come. Has the crash call been sent out yet.' I was amazed that I could even said something like that. soon my colleagues came and took over from me.

The patient passed away 30 min later after 3 shots of adrenaline and 30min of CPR.

i cant help but think if I have missed anything out with my management that could possibly have prevented his death. Should we have done more for his sepsis? he was in fact the youngest patient on my ward so it was very unexpected that he passed away.

***

Today, another thing happened which I can't blog about but it has made me realised how much responsibility we (junior docs) have on patients' lives. I cant help thinking about it on my way back home...sigh. A lesson learnt but a costly one too...

I am not really good at penning my thoughts and feelings. These two incidents have made me feel rather disappointed at myself. Yes, i know i can improve on what I could have/should have done in the future but still it might cost a patient's life in every mistake that we make. The scary part is that this is just the beginning of my career and there are still more to come and more responsibilities to bear in the future.

the ward is always a better place to work when your seniors are nice and friendly.

me love my consultant on my ward. it makes me aspire to be like her when i become one in the future.

useless post

ok i should revive this blog coz it's kinda dead.

i should try to blog more often if you dont mind reading rather useless and boring posts. so boring i think i can hypnotize you to sleep.

but anyway! i have worked for 4 months now! I think i have learned a lot now compared to how i was in the beginning although i don't feel it. I remembered when i first started work, a nurse was asking my colleague to listen to a patient's chest because it sounded crackly. I remembered telling myself, 'woah what should I do, i would be so terrified to do anything'. now it will be like, 'cheh, crackles in lungs. nothing one. hahaha' (exaggerating only lol, i won't totally ignore the patient). and another thing i learned is: do not totally follow what the nurses tell you to do. Just because they have eaten more salt in the working environment, doesn't mean you have to do everything what they say. i digress.

dun wana talk about work, i wana talk about the things i bought with my first pay! actually i think it was even before my first pay that i bought them :S. haha. i'm using ipod to take the photos so the quality is quite bad.

i bought a keyboard and a guitar! I think the model is CDP 100. it's a full size keyboard with weighted keys but I don't really like the sound quality from the keyboard as I think yamaha one is better. Otherwise it was a really good keyboard for its price and it came with a stand and headphones too! I bought the guitar after looking on my uni portal ( i still had access that time) and one guy was sellign it second hand! so lucky!

so i thought since i started working, i should start looking after myself more. you know with those nights and winter months coming, I'd better start moisturising my skin and protect it from aging! i spent many hours loitering around the beauty section of a departmental store because i was so scared to approach the sales girl to ask questions HAHA. some of the products had no price tags on and i didn't know what the functions are (clarifying lotion, serum, cleanser, toner etc). who knows later i feel obliged into buying the products before doing proper research on others first.

i then went back and spent countless hours on the internet searching and looking for the best deals. I initially wanted clinique or clarins (but not lancome because steph uses it and i don't want to end up using the same as her LOL) but somehow i saw a few blogs which recommended shiseido and a rather newcomer brand hada labo. Knowing these are not easily available in the UK, i painstakingly searched the internet and managed to find a company which imports them at rather reasonable price.


The borghese cleanser was a rather impulsive buy coz it was on sales and it was quite cheap. I haven't started using it as i'm still using my other cleanser. I love the shiseido moisturising lotion to bits!i hv used a few moisturising lotions before and they are either sticky or cause redness on my face. this one doesn't stick to my face after applying and it's so smooth and absorbs so well! i think it was 37pounds for a 75ml bottle but it's the best i've tried! when i go back msia, i shall stock up on this brand.

the hada labo moisturising lotion (toner) is quite unique i think. It looks and feels like water but it's not. the way you apply the toner is by putting a few drops on your palm and pat it onto your face until it absorbs. i think my skin does feel soft and smooth after applying but i cant really compare to other toners coz this is my first toner.

I think that's all for today! it's been a crazy past one month with work and also shopping! so much shopping until i forgot what I've bought. that's the danger of staying only 5 min from major departmental stores like tk maxx and debenhams. but no worries, i'm also saving money daddy and mummy lol.

dear patients

dear patients,

i wish you could stop pulling out your cannulas or NG tube because you know how difficult it is to put one in and yet you do not appreciate our effort and time in helping you get better.

I wish you could leave some sweets/chocolates (preferably not celebrations but Thorntons or something better or home bake food please) for us before being discharge because who knows it will be our lunch when it gets busy on the ward.

I wish you would know us by our first names instead of doctor coz it sounds more personal and it makes us feel more appreciated because you bothered to look at our name card.

I wish you would help us ease our burden by allowing the phlebs take your blood instead of requesting doctors to do it.

I wish you would know that there's no point trying to fake a pain because we know you are.

I wish you could differentiate us between nurses so that you do not call me a nurse whenever I walk past you.

I also wish that you wouldn't trouble us with things like trying to get to the toilet/commode but wait patiently for the nurses to respond to your buzzer.

last week of work

Pink roses given by June (not my good buddy June but another June with the same name) and a card given by the colleagues.

I am touched by the kindness and thoughtfulness of my colleagues. My 1 year 7 months stint in RM has come to an end. One rather cynical guy asked me whether I would cry or not. Then he said, 'well I think you wouldn't cry because you haven't really talked much to many people'

If it was said a few years ago I would agree with him and wallow in self pity. haha. But now those words don't affect me anymore. I'm indeed quiet in Royal Mail but I have made a few good friends in RM who have made work there so enjoyable and fun. These are the people who made me feel so reluctant to leave.

Today while working, I heard my name through the intercom followed by the statement saying that today would be my last day of work (actually not, Saturday is my last day) and something else which I couldn't really catch. My face became so red hot until my friend noticed and said, 'look! her face is turning red!'

Embarrassed, I hid under the table to avoid everyone's stares. I finally got up smiling sheepishly.

I thank God for blessing me with such great people. I will miss them all =(

change

change. change. change. change. change

April is the month of change.

It's when the postage price increase again. sigh.

you can view the last two years postage price here. Everything is getting more and more expensive.

It's the beginning of the new tax year so the assessable pay and the amount of the tax paid on our pay slip is back to zero.

It's also time to add another 3600pounds into the tax-free ISA account to earn more money on interest!

These are one of the few usual things which happen every year in April.

*****
There are changes for me as well.

First of all was my brother being diagnosed with CML. It took me a while to absorb the shock. I was still very worry-free in the first few days. Finally the truth hit me and oh my it definitely hit me real hard. I never cry in front of anyone about it as I tried to ignore the feeling but one day when I was chatting with Yee in front of the webcam and he told me something about Jon. Tears started to well up in my eyes and Yee asked, you crying? I found myself denying it but more tears started coming out until it became uncontrollable. All the emotions which have built up over the week exploded and the tears which I have restrained came pouring down like rain.



Celebrating TT's birthday through the webcam was very meaningful and touching at the same time. The family have not got together for a long time already ever since Steph left for UK in 2005 and to be able to see everyone through the webcam was indeed touching and memorable.

So what has changed? My perspective of not just a medical student but a family member of a patient. No one can exactly understand the family feelings unless they themselves experience it. I also find myself questioning God a lot of things about why things happened and then finally deciding that God has His plans for us even though it may not be what we want. Saying that is easy but to finally decide that it is indeed His plans is difficult.

****
on a lighter note, I have finally (after a very very veryyyy long delay) and successfully (din manage previously) handed in my resignation letter to RM.


When I asked my dad whether I should quit RM or not, he said, 'yes asap please.' My friend June was shocked when I told her this week would be my last week.

"What?! you are going to leave me alone?"

sigh. on one hand i feel as if a big burden has been lifted off my shoulder. No more rushing to and fro from hospital and work and no more feeling sad over missed social events. On the other hand, I will miss my colleagues and the good income. I will find it very weird to be at home every weekday evenings and when I start joining the cell group.

As I will not be working anymore I have to start cutting down on my expenses. I am now back to using a pay as you go sim card. argh. For the past 2.5 years I have unconsciously become so dependent on a contract phone that I could just pick up the phone and call/text people. But now I have to think twice before doing these.

instead of complaining i must embrace these changes. must.

this is what you get when you work in the post office

Today I received a packet. It was something which I ordered online a few days ago. Nothing particular except that...

On the outside of the envelope, someone wrote: ' Hello Dr Ting From Steve & Arfan xx'

-.-"

hahahaha. So cute.


Those were written by my RM colleagues who I used to work with when I did my overtime on nights. They knew it was my house address as they sorted one of my mails before but they didn't dare to write anything on it that time for fear that it might be the wrong person. This time they knew for sure it was my mail and they didn't want to miss the chance.

What a surprise! So cheeky of them! I guess work must be boring for them that they need something to spice their work a little. lol.

this is ridiculous!

This was my workplace for the past 3 months...






and also will be for the next few months to come.... :(


so freaking cold I tell you. Standing outside working for 2.5 hours at 2 degree celcius is enough to make an ice statue of me. I have worn a few layers thick but still I feel so cold! I wana complain!!! Why is it that the machine gets to be inside the building (and have a fan to blow when it overheats) when we humans have to work outside the cold until our face and fingers and toes are so numb and stinging with pain! Why isn't the company building the tent they promised us when winter comes to keep us warm! how can the company expect us to work efficiently when we are feeling so cold! How can the manager expect us to work without break until all the work is done! This is so ridiculous! I protest!!!

I have been worrying too much until I'm just too stressed and I can't relax. Every minute to me is gold. I agonized over every minute which was lost and forgot to appreciate the things happening in the present time.

I have got 4 critical analysis, 4 precis (left), 1 reflective commentary, 4 more group presentations, 1 grand SSC presentation, 1 3000 words ethics SSC and a spot test all ending on the 3rd of dec (except that SSC grand presentation which is on the 11th Dec i think). on top of that, I have got my 20 hours part-time work which take up 4/5 of my week days evening and Saturdays and a full-blown hectic uni timetable.

I hope people would understand how stressed I am. Very sorry if I have snapped at you. Future apologies to those I'm yet to snap at too. -.-"

keeping my fingers crossed

Pray that I get that weekend shift. I want my normal weekdays when I can finally socialise with people and join university activities! I dun wanna end up doing nothing but work during my university years! I wanna to be able to concentrate on my studies during the weekdays and not too be exhausted and sleep deprived by the end of the week!

please please pleaseeeeeee gimme that weekend shift!


PS: 2 people managed to get their shift changed to weekend shift. Argh. I wrote to the manager earlier than them but I did it on the wrong time when the shifts were being reviewed. I initially wanted to follow the manager's advice to write back in mid-Nov when everything has been sorted out (but actually it's already been sorted out 2 weeks ago) but seeing that 2 people have got their shift changed, I'd better do something quick before it's too late!


update! I have got the reply from the manager and she said those two got the weekend duty because they were down to a flexibility working application that was submitted and not a change of hours due to a university schedule. Sigh. Seems like I'm stuck with this duty for the time being until Dec. I must persevere!!

work again

"Ting, Ting, I can't finish my fruits, so I left them all for you."



these little small acts of kindness...

make me feel work in RM enjoyable =)

partners-in-'crime'

This is a picture of the toilet cubicle at my workplace.




why the toilet cubicle picture you may ask? Well, the story goes.....


**********

Colleague 1: Ting, Ting, now it's your turn to go toilet or walk around.

Colleague 2 (imagine the Yorkshire accent): Yeah. I've already gone just now. He's already gone for a walk. Now it's your turn.

me: ermmm....oooook (rather hestitant)

Colleague 1: Just sit outside at the bench there, hold your handphone to your head, pretending you are making a call.

Colleague 2: yeah yeah, now it's the right time coz all the managers are at their meeting (nodding head and looking at me intensely)





Finally I gave in to their persuasion and took my bottle with me (as an excuse to fill my water).

Halfway on my way to the water dispenser, I heard,

'TING!! TING!!'

I looked back and saw two of my colleagues, both with that mischievous grin on their face (y'know the kind of wide smile with teeth baring and all, yeah, you get the picture), both wide-eyed, both with their hands held up, both with their 10 fingers opened up to me.

'10 MINUTES...10 MINUTES!!!'

************

That's how I ended up in the toilet cubicle not knowing where to go.


Welcome, my friend, to the world of skiving.




PS: it's finally FRIDAY!!! I'm finally coming home tonight after being on OT for 4 consecutive nights! You know what, this week, RM was very understaffed in the night shift as a total of 24 people (!!! just night shift alone) decided to fall sick. Well, it's up to you to decide whether the sudden adversity was intentional or not. But, next Monday is a bank holiday (hint hint *wink*).

long term contract

A continuation from this post.

I received my long-term contract from RM!

aloha!

sorry for the absence but I was pretty busy working OT. Thanks to work, I have become socially inept from my friends. But then again, I learned new things and made new friends from people in my workplace which I'm very thankful of.

Cycling on the way back home in the early mornings is not only refreshing but allowed my mind to wander and think of matters which have happened lately in my workplace. I realised that most people think highly of medical students. Whenever I told them that I study medicine, I would watch their expression. There are many ways to say 'wow' to that.

Some are just expressionless with the 'wow'.

For some, their eyes widen a little and then 'wow'.

Some take a step back, scrutinize me from head to toe and exclaimed 'wow'.

Some have their eyes widen + take a step back + a wow +silence for a few seconds, and then they would say, 'you must be very smart then!'

I wonder why do people always think that studying medicine = very smart. Anyway, because of what I'm studying, I've met many people who befriended me thinking that they could squeeze some knowledge out of me. But sometimes I have to disappoint them by telling them frankly that I'm only a 2nd yr medic and I do not know much, or I may come out with some vaguely remembered causes of a particular disease or I may refer them to ask another source, who is none other than God himself ;P.

I realised that people care about petty things. There was this guy who asked me about bad breath who consulted a doc before and asked the same question thinking that I (who only have 2 years of basic medical knowledge) might have some divine knowledge which the doc (who has a few years of experience) might not have. Another one asked me about his backpain which I told him that 'doctors now advise you to do work instead of be absent from work' when having backpain. Another guy asked me what to do with his balding hair in which I did not know the answer. Sometimes I feel that people expect too much from doctors. THey expect them to have the instant answer and cure to all their misery and pain. But pity doctors are not God. They do not know the answers to everything.

OT this week has been pretty good. I do not dread it as last time. Mainly due to the pleasant working environment and the small group which I was placed in. I get to sit and walk around and have a total of 1.5 hour break (as opposed to the 1 hr break I usually have). I managed to talk to a Chinese guy who I've seen in RM for quite some time but hvnt got to talk to. Most importantly, I didn't feel sleepy during my work.

My heels are starting to feel sore from standing 7.5 hours for 3 consecutive nights. I guess it's a sign for me to change me shoes.

I'm just plain lazy to upload photos in this entry. SOmehow I'm getting very fussy in using a proper camera to take photos instead of the camera phone.

hope I've bore you enough with this entry! heheh :p

mail

Despite all speculations that RM will be sacking people,

today I received a mail from RM.


my temporary part-time contract will be upgraded to permanent!

yayyy....!!!

guess

Introducing you one of my best mates in Royal Mail --> Matthew.

Guess how old is he?

He either looks too old for his age or he looks too young for his age. So I want you to guess!

Matthew

The answer shall be revealed in a few days' time. Hehe!

weather a cyclist hate

5 times a week, every weekday evening, I have been cycling to and fro Royal Mail faithfully except for certain reasons like when I have the monthly thing..you know la..haha:p

I have been through the breezing autumn, the freezing winter and the unpredictable spring.

There are 4 kinds of weather which I hate most:

weather number 1: fog

so far I've only met this kind of weather once when I was cycling to work early in the morning. Visibility was definitely only within 50m. Lights must be switched on in order for road users to see me.


weather number 2: rain

I always moaned when it rains. It somehow dampens my spirit as I was cycling back. Sometimes I wonder why do I have to struggle so much to go back when I could just hop on the bus back.

i'm lucky sometimes when it rains when I go back coz I can change my clothes. But if it rains when I go to work, I have to wear my wet jeans until it get dry.

weather number 3: hail

The hails can be painful and annoying when it hit my face and blur my vision.


weather number 4: strong winds!

This tops my most-hate list of weather. Try imagining cycling up a slope and the wind blowing against you. or try imagining forcing you poor legs to cycle against the wind when you have been standing almost 10 hours. Many times strong winds have slowed my time back home.

sorry ah. no pic of strong winds.

I was nearly like the stick-man in this pic. Instead of clinging on to a tree, I was actually grabbing a traffic light, hanging for my dear life (a bit exaggerated..haha)


The weather which I dun cycle in is snow:

This is the only exception for me to use bus to work as the road will be too slippery for me to cycle. But one of my RM friends actually cycles to work. I find it amusing that he actually chuckled at the times he fell down from his bike due to the slippery road.

So...

Lesson of the day: Be grateful when the weather is nice and warm! Dun take it for granted!

postage hike!

Everything is getting more and more expensive in UK. Petrol price is increasing..now it's the stamps price.

Although the price may increase for letters/packets weighing less than 500gm, the good news is, the price for anything weighing more than that will be lesser for first class mail.

new postage price on right, old postage price on left

of coz postage price increase, people ask, 'ur pay got increase or not?'

nahhh..instead RM reduced our break time from 30 min to 20 min. Such 'great' slash in our break time will definitely make the lazy RM employees protest. However, RM came out with a plan for a win-win situation...hehe...

that is...they gave us a lump sum of bonus!!! wahahahaha...but still I kena taxed kau kau

with money, (almost) anything is possible =)

working overtime

I got my payslip for last week's overtime.

But when I looked at the payslip, my heart sank... =(

i wish I don't have to pay income tax and NI

Over a hundred pounds of deductions! It's not worth working the extra hours. It's only making me tired and irritated.

That's what I told myself but then I found myself working the extra hours this week...sigh

This makes me think of what I just read recently. Human can never be satisfied. They will always want more.

Be it a parents' expectation on a child or monetary means or personal goals, once we have reached them, we gain satisfaction. But after a few days, it will wear off and we aim higher. we will never be satisfied. Just like an unscratchable mosquito itch. We can never take away the itch no matter how good we are by scratching. The itch will go away for a while, but then it will come back stronger than before.

Last time when I worked as a cleaner, I told myself, if only I could get a night shift job which pays me 8 pounds per hour

Now that I got it, I yearn for more. I hope that I could have more time to work overtime. I will always be looking at the overtime list in RM hoping there's a empty slot to put my name in for RM overtime. And when I got my payslip, I mourn at the amount of tax and NI contributions I have to pay.

King Solomon was the ever living person who had everything. He built a magnificent palace which took 13 years to finish. He had thousands of concubines, he was the smartest guy in the world...

But then, in the end he said, "I turned my heard and saw yet another wisp of smoke on its way to nothingness: a solitary person...working obsessively late into the night, compulsively greedy for more and more, never bothering to ask, 'Why am I working like a dog, never having any fun?..."

Even the greatest man on earth has walked down that path but never got satisfied.

I don't know where this post is going to, but my point is that we must learn to be content. Everytime I have to tell myself 'it could have been worse'. When I get my results, go to work or look at my bank account...I tell myself it could have been worse.

yeah, it could have been worse. So I won't be working OT during term time. Only during the holidays I'm allowed to work OT. Dun wana bring anymore stress and tiredness upon myself anymore.


PS: views adapted from 'when the game is over, it all goes back in the box' by John Ortberg. A very good book which I truly recommend to anyone to read =)

I wonder how my colleagues could manage it. They could work 70+ hours a week.

And I'm only working 20+ hours per week and my body is starting to break down.

I feel that 24 hours per day isn't enough. I just need more rest! More sleep!

赚钱真的不容易