Past Christmases

How I spent my Christmases in the UK for the past 5 years:

Christmas in Edinburgh 2006

Christmas in Buxton 2007

Christmas celebration in Leeds when Andrew came and on Christmas day itself, went to Kyle's 2008

Christmas fine dining at CF's and dinner with the Spenceley's 2009

Christmas 2010

how will Christmas 2011 be?

"follow me"

i'm inclined to share with you my quiet time which I did on my way back home from Bradford. It was in the book of Matthew, chapter 9 where Jesus called Matthew to be one of his disciples and although it was short passage, it spoke to me.

Matthew 9:9

⁹ As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

I wonder why of all people, did Jesus see a tax collector?

What caught Jesus' eyes?

What was Matthew doing? was he crying or waving at Jesus that caught Jesus' attention?

The bible is very quiet about this.

Jesus must have seen something that other people can't see.

Perhaps Matthew wasn't crying or waving at him.

Perhaps he was sitting at the booth counting coins, performing the daily duties of a tax collector. But deep within inside his heart, he feels that empty. He feels that there's something more to life than just collecting coins. He feels the pain and hurt from rejected by people.

He wonders if there is someone who could close the gap in his heart and perhaps at that very moment of the time his heart might be crying out, 'if there is a God, reveal yourself to me and I'm willing to let go of everything to follow you!!"

Jesus knows the condition of his heart and I think that's what caught Jesus' attention.

That was when Jesus approached him, "Follow me". In Matthew's mind, he must be so amazed and so surprised because someone heard his cry for help and it was God! Jesus came seeking for him!

and that's why he stood up, left everything he has and followed Jesus.

I would like to imagine Matthew feeling hopeless and meaningless about life and his spirit broken. Because in Psalms 51:17

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

By being broken, we can approach God humbly; not proud, not arrogant, not relying on our strength and not being selfish.

Supposedly if Matthew was at the top of his world, at the peak of his career and success, he wouldn't have left everything and follow Jesus. He would be thinking, 'why is this mad man asking me to follow Him. No way!!'

But Matthew was humble and broken when Jesus called him. Life has disappointed him, it has broken him down to the point where he can't pick himself up anymore.

God knows the condition of our heart even when we are trying to hide from everyone else.

I thank you God for seeking me when I was lost and hopeless. You picked me up when my life was broken and you called me. I did not respond instantly as Matthew did because I have doubts and did not have faith in you.

I realised I can't do things on my own strength and will but to fully depend on Yours. I have to let go of things that are dear to me because it's Your will and not mine to be fulfilled.

***

my birthday!!

Very happy and very touched.

Thank you all who came to surprise me. Thank you Van who organised everything (and the cake too). Thanks Sonia and Van who did the make up. Thank you to those who came for dinner at Red Chillies. Thank you Steph for the kuey tiaw and the paitesserie cake and the necklace. And thank you all for the handbag! I am kinda bad at expressing my emotions but I really like the bag!!!!! so soft and it smells like leather hahaha

I din dare to hope so much for fear of disappointment. But am really grateful and appreciative of all the efforts you guys made, especially for coming all the way, braving through the cold and rain to surprise me.

T.T

it's halloween!

try spotting me

******

i hope I have scared you enough haha :P

A time for everything

i cant believe it's time for me to apply for my foundation year job! Time really flies. Last week my group taught the third years examination skills and looking at them really reminded me of how I was when I was in their position. I remember doing things and performing certain steps in the examination bit very slowly for fear of making a mistake. And that was what I saw in the third year student when she was checking the visual field of her group mate.

third year was mainly to get things signed off in our log book. once it's done, it's done. no more repeating

Fourth year was a turning point. A time when we blossomed and grow.

fifth year is when we want to get as much experience as we can and when doing something once isn't enough.

We are the most senior person in med school now. first year medics think we are gods. But when we enter the working world, we are the most junior ones.

can you imagine us becoming doctors??

My heart echo the words from Ecclesiastes ( i have to refer a few times to get the spelling right lolz) chapter 3 on a time for everything. This is also specially dedicated to a friend who is going through a very hard and depressing time right now. It hurts to see someone suffering in pain and yet being unable to do something. The only way out is death but parting can be difficult because you will miss him/her terribly when he/she leaves. so there you go my friend, may God continue to be with you and your family during this time.

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

PARIS!

I'm so excited i can't contain this excitement anymore.

I have just booked a trip to Paris in December!!! This time i'm not flying but using eurostar which i have heard much about in sec school. i hv tried the ferry(terrible experience) and plane across europe and now it's train. Probably cruise would be next :)

the feeling is like the time in first year when I booked flights to Holland. It's been nearly 4 years since I ever made a holiday trip to Europe.

Although it's only 4 nights and 3 days, this is definitely something to look forward to especially after 3 intensive placements. can't wait!!

my room

I have finally left my old house which I have inhabited for 4 years. The room i'm living now is slightly cheaper and smaller than the previous one but overall, I'm very pleased with my new room because,

1. it's less crowded (one person less), hence more space!

2. it gives a more homely feel

3. the cupboard and table the landlord provide us are huge!

the tables are now near the heater so it's less cold when studying! note the double glazed window!! hopefully winter will be more bearable this year. The bed sits just nicely at the corner

bigger floor space for Esther to hula hoop lolz and play board game/cards ad. There's even space for the guitar!! *gasp* hahaha. But note the small entrance into the space (in the picture on the right) which is limited by the edge of the bed and a shoe rack

My table!! as you probably might have forgotten how my table in my previous room look like, let me refresh your memory again:

the table with no place to put my laptop and books but i managed to get through 4 years of med school with it.

My new table:

I know Esther will be like yaya, you have told us so many times already :P but I'm super duper pleased & happyx1000 with my table! there's even enough space to put my bookchair, my books, my bears, my stationery, laptop and even write on the table without having to move anything away! :):):):):)

♥♥♥♥♥♥

it's my 5th yr in med school already

hello!

this blog is officially declared dead and am ready to sign a death and cremation form.

wa so super lame -.-"

Anyway, i have now started fifth year and have just started placements. It's interesting to see myself growing each year and being able to tackle things which I thought I would not be able to.

I remember i used to be so scared at taking blood pressure because I fear that by not being accurate it would cost someone's life. lolz. But now it's no more the blood pressure, thank goodness. But i guess it's more on being able to confidently say and elicit signs in patients.

Hopefully with more practice and exposure, I will be more confident.

I cant believe in 9 months time i would be graduating to be a doctor. Again, if all goes well :)

PS: I will be going off facebook for a while until further notice haha. I think I have been spending a lot of time on it until it affects my quality of life - not going out to enjoy the fresh air, always hiding in my room etc

4th year

I'm finally on my way back home, am in Dubai now waiting for my connecting flight to KL and in 10 hours I will be back!

I feel that everything that is happening now is surreal and yet it's true. I saw the same old pharm shop in Dubai which reminded me that I was here last year at around this time. The same old shop but an older Janice. This year has been a difficult year for me and yet it happened very quickly. Looking back, I am amazed at how I managed to pull through all the ups and downs and how much I have learned and gained throughout this whole year.

As promised before I would write more about my OSCE lol. It's weird that after exam, I tend to blog less but I guess it's like how some people always clean their room before exam and not doing it after.

I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the prayers during my exams. God is marvelous and He is great! Remember that I asked to be prayed for calm, peace and clarity of the mind during the OSCE? The first time ever (well actually it's only my 2nd OSCE lol), I did not panic at all during the exam, I was as cool as a cucumber and my mind was clear and not fuzzy and confused.

God was really at work and I could feel His peace. However, I lost His peace for a while after the OSCE on the first day as my mind ruminate the things that happened and how angry at myself for not saying the things which I should say.

I had trouble sleeping that night as my mind kept replaying scenes of the OSCE and things that I should have said. It took me gazillions toss and turns on the bed before I finally fell asleep. But I woke up 3 hours later at 4.30am unable to sleep.

My mind was tired and I felt that I could not continue the 2nd day anymore. Suddenly I felt that I was going to lose it. After working and practising so hard for the OSCE, I suddenly felt that I was about to breakdown 4 hours before the 2nd part of the OSCE.

My mind began to pray and pray asking God for His peace and seeking His strength to sustain me for the next exam. I think I finally understood what the phrase steph put on her msn, 'worry is something you permit, peace is something you pursue'. Finally I fell asleep 2 hours later. I woke up feeling refreshed and confident and I felt ready to fight on. Thank God!!

Many things could happen but God was watching over me throughout these.

I feel sorry for those who didn't make it. I cant imagine having to revise the whole set of notes and talking to my imaginary friend again and again during the holidays. Somehow passing OSCE is not proportional to the amount of practice in my opinion esp for year 4 exams. Maybe it's different in other uni, but I know for Leeds, it's not.

May God continue to be with them and give them strength to carry on.

Now I can introduce myself as a final year medical student ad because I PASSED!!!!!

will blog more about this when I hv time. Thanks for your prayers everyone!

the long hours of talking to myself and many months of practising for the OSCE still are not enough to prepare us for the real one.

:(

pray that things will be fine

2 down 2 more to go

my mental state examination (as of 15/6/10):

appearance:

young girl with greasy messy hair and smelly clothes which looked as if they have not been changed for a week. Posture was rigid and tense with restless legs.

behaviour:

appeared to be tired and restless. But was agitated when mentioned the word OSCE. eye contact was difficult to maintain as eyes were buried in piles of books and notes.

speech:

speech was spontaneous and coherent with appropriate responses however was slightly fast in rate, tone and volume.

mood:

subjectively she described her mood as "not too bad"

objectively her mood was euthymic.

thought content:

no evidence of obsessive thoughts, delusions or phobias.

however she expressed feelings of helplessness and anxieties in the upcoming OSCE in the next two days. no suicidal ideation was elicited.

thought form:

she complained of episodes in which her thoughts have been sucked out by a vacuum leaving her mind empty.

Perception:

she denied any visual, auditory or tactile hallucinations.

However, she was seen (a few episodes) to be talking loudly to an invisible person and seemed to be asking and answering questions of the invisible person. One example was she was seen talking about antidepressants treatment to an unseen person.

cognition:

she was orientated in time place and person. Good concentration and attention. Memory was intact.

insight:

She has poor insight. Did not think she was unwell and therefore unwilling to accept treatment.

********************

2 papers down another 2 more to go!!!

What is left is the OSCE. I'm starting to have palpitations and sweaty hands at the thought of the OSCE.

what if I get tongue-tied during exam? or what if I don't know how to answer the questions the patient ask? what if my mind goes blank during exam? I had an episode of how my mind can go blank during a practise osce last week and it was so scary. It's as if my thoughts were sucked out by a vacuum leaving my mind empty.

Please pray for calmness, peace and confidence for the OSCE. Also for clarity of mind and God's wisdom to ask the right questions and answer appropriately. thank you all who are praying for me!

freedom is near

daily requirements:

h20 - 30-40mmol/kg

Na - 1-2mmol/kg

K - 1 mmol/kg

Cl- - 1.5mmol/kg

phosphate - 0.2-0.5mmol/kg

0.9% saline contains 154mmol/L Na+, no K+, 154 mmol/L Cl-

5% dextrose does not contain Na, K, Cl

dexSaline - 30mmol/L Na+, 30mmol/L Cl-, no K+

chancroid - gram -ve bacteria Haemophilus decreyi

salphingoctomy - removal of ectopic but preserving tube

salphingEctomy - removal of ectopic AND tube

abdo circumference --> accurate predictor for IUGR

normal range:

Na: 135-145

K: 3.5-5

Cr 70-150umol/L

Ca2+ 2.12-2.65 mmol/L

PaCo2: 4.7-6

T4: 8-22pmol/L

TSH: 0.35-5.5mlU/L

MCV: 80-100fL

ask me these next week, I probably won't be able to answer half of these without referring because my exams will be OVERRRR!!!

Freedom is near. I can smell it.

funding

I received a total of £560 for my elective funding!!

Wasn't really happy about it at first because 1. it was not what I expected as according to the seniors, they have received much more than this (blame on the economy downturn) 2. my friend managed to receive one funding of £800 and another friend received £250 for just an elective report whereas I am doing a blardy elective project which involves interviewing mothers and writing my findings in the report which i foresee wouldn't be easy! grrr

In an attempt to console myself, £560 isn't that bad because it's a person's monthly salary back home. I should also be grateful of what I got and I shouldn't compare myself with others and no use whining or moaning about why I din apply to this and that when the deadline is over.

Although £560 only covers part of my airticket but it's still better than nothing! So thank God for that! :D

exams

my exam is from 14th to 18th June. Please keep me in your prayers!!!

a week in the delivery suite

I feel helpless when I see women in labour pain and not being able to do anything to ease their pain because it's something they have to go through.

I saw a forseps delivery and it was the scariest thing I ever saw lol. The obs doctor was literally pulling the baby head by force. And what I meant by literally is he got into the 'tug-of-war' stance and used all the strength that he has to pull the baby head out with the woman screaming her lungs out. it was so scarrrrryyyy.

But the minute the baby was born, all the screaming stopped and the mum is smiling again. weeing is gonna be painful for her for the next few days

our male counterparts are so lucky to not to go through childbirth pain. Like what one of the mums said to her husband, 'you will never understand how painful it is'.

not fair! :P

iphone!!!!

Guess what?!!

I have got an iphone!!!

Every 4th year med student received an email from the university last week which said,

"As part of the revision of the MBChB 2010 curriculum, the School of Medicine will introduce a mobile learning programme for Year 4 and Year 5 MBChB students. The purpose of the mobile learning solution is to provide support to you during your placements and rotations within the NHS and other practice environments.

The provision of the mobile learning is funded partly by HEFCE (Higher Education Funding Council for England), the Strategic Health Authority and School of Medicine funding. The use of mobile learning resources is an integral part of your curriculum and is a tool which will support your learning, especially during practice placements.

You will receive an Apple iPhone 3GS 16Gb. This will be your personal mobile learning device for the rest of your Year 4 and Year 5 MBChB course. It will have a Mobile Broadband connection with unlimited data usage (with a fair limit policy). This is not chargeable for UK use but is chargeable for roaming use (outside the UK)"

So cool right!!! But considering the amount we pay for the school fees, this iphone is only like 0.1% of it. lol

Back!

Hi guys!

I'm back from Vienna! I'm totallly knackered with a slight headache probably due to dehydration. But I hope with a good rest tonight, I will be able to resume to my revision. I was so worried that the volcanic ash would cause cancellations in flights but thank God nothing happened and we went and arrived back safely!

The presentation went quite well. One of tutors reminded us many times to introduce ourselves as medical students so that the expectations on us were not high. But still, we were still shot with questions and my groupmate tactfully answered them!

That's me with my groupmates, Adam and Candice . Steph is the one taking the pic. Look at our excited faces!! We have finally made it there

now with Steph

The posh hotel where the conference was held! We had to pay 70 euros just for one day

This year marks the 50th year that MH was first described in 1960 by a doc in Aussie.

We sat and listened to all the talks in the morning for our presentation at 4pm

One of our supervisor in Leeds for this presentation who is the chair of the afternoon session. Apparently he's one of the 'big cheese' as my groupmates call it which I think means he has control and power over the whole conference. Knowing that we were unable to handle the questions due to our inexperience, he quickly cut off everyone's questions by telling everyone that time was running out and the next group should present.

My SSC tutor! He was promoted to being a consultant a few months ago.

The whole group from Leeds.

At the end of the conference, many people came up to our group to congratulate us on our good work. My tutor told us that there haven't been any students coming to their annual conference for some time already.

I guess this would be the highlight of my academic years in leeds. God has indeed blessed me with so many opportunities which I never thought I could have. I'm sure when I graduate I would have a lot of opportunities to attend conferences overseas, but for a medical student to be given such chance is something I would never dream of.

PS: I received an email from the uni that they have approved my Student Conference Fund award of £100. It cannot cover my full cost but it's still something. Thank God for that too!

Vienna

As promised, I said I would update about this upcoming Vienna trip which is gonna happen in 2 weeks' from now.

I was fortunate to have been involved in an audit for my year-long SSC project which evaluated the use of drugs in MH (Malignant Hyperthermia)reaction in the past 2 decades. As the condition is very rare, there is only one unit in the whole of UK which is based in Leeds. My tutor told the group that he was pleased with our work and suggested that we should present our findings in the annual meeting in Vienna when all MH units from all around Europe come together to meet.

It is a good opportunity, but the downside is that all expenses have to be from our pocket :(

Exams are less than 5 weeks away and some time off abroad is not very good for my revision.

Finger-crossed + toe-crossed that i can catch up with revision.

Exams are coming.

Anyone wana scream with me?

ARRRRRRRGGHHHHHHH!!

Post SSC celebration

We came up with an impromptu plan to eat nasi lemak and Bette, one of our malay friends, agreed to cook for us provided we buy her the ingredients.

it was a day filled with good food, friends and weather!

You know in London, horses are such a common sight...

until they have traffic lights specifically for horse riders to cross

phew *wipes sweat of brow*

i hv finally finished my reflection and essay.

it's now time to focus on studies

A possible trip to Vienna in 4 weeks' time.

which necessitates a trip down to London to renew my passport.

will write more about it once it's confirmed

=)

An incident I will never forget

I was writing my essay nice and comfortable in my room.

Suddenly I heard this loud sound of someone banging against the kitchen door. It was so great I felt as if the whole house shook. Followed by someone tugging forcefully at the door handle several times.

Esther and steph who were in the kitchen at that time said they were shouting, "POLICE!! POLICE" with deafening sounds of banging of the kitchen door.

And then the next thing I heard was that the sound of the door banging has shifted to the front door. I could feel the door resisting their bangs but was on the verge of breaking down.

Then suddenly, 'PRAAAANNNNGGGGG' one of the windows was smashed.

Very soon, I heard quick, anxious footsteps stumbling up the stairs and two extremely nervous and scared-faced people appeared in front of the bedroom door.

'QUICK QUICK, CALL THE POLICE, LOCK THE DOOR!! LOCK THE DOOR!!'

In the midst of chaos and confusion, Steph struggled to lock the room door, I fumbled to look for my phone but I couldn't find it. Esther finally found it and dialed 999 for the police.

Thank God no one was injured in this incident.

My housemate who was staying in the 2nd floor upstairs saw a gang of 6 hooligans with hoodies over their faces roaming around the backyard.

The kitchen window was smashed by a brick at a great force because not only the window was smashed but the bottom bit of the cupboard came off, the wall was scratched and the stove was dented as well. That must have been one hell of strength to cause such impact. Thank God Steph and Esther left the kitchen or else the brick might have hit them and it was the kitchen window that was smashed and not the living room window because Lynda happened to be at the living room window dozing off.

Damage done:

the smashed kitchen window

the cupboard

the brick (part of it chipped off when it was thrown in)

pieces of glasses everywhere

The police came within 30 min and reassured us that it was highly unlikely for the hooligans to come back again. They spoke to the house agent on behalf of us to request for the repair of the kitchen window to be done urgently tonight but up till now at 12.13am, no one has come to repair the window yet.

we were shaking and trembling uncontrollably and my legs were like jelly after the incident. It was so scary lor! I seriously really thought they were carrying weapons and were going to attack us! What an experience!

ps: more details of the incident can be found on steph's facebook

update: a repair man replaced the window with a plywood and someone would come a few days later to fix it.

sien lo

Everytime when I'm under stress or when I'm in the centre of attention, my face will become flushed and spots of rashes start appearing on my neck.

My housemate who always happens to be in the same group as me whenever I present or take a history said, "我每次坐在那边只是在看你像变色龙变色" (I always see you change colour like a chameleon).

-.-"""

Note to self: Seems like I have to wear a turtle neck blouse during my OSCE because no doubt the rashes would be full blown.

Imagine being stranded in a foreign country not being able to leave because of some volcanic ash covering the sky!

Living in the Europe, it's quite interesting to see many facebook statuses about the volcanic ash. I've been very ignorant about world news lately but facebook has prompted me to read up some news about the volcanic ash lol because of some fb statuses:

"..."US pop star Whitney Houston was forced to take a ferry from the UK to Ireland for her upcoming tour""

"Stuck in Paris, Damn you Volcano, could be worse..."

"DAMN YOU ICELANDIC VOLCANO"

"Oh no......third day of flight chaos. When will it end???"

I am worried.

Because after spending so much time and effort on my elective project to obtain funding I might miss the deadline for it just because I haven't got the approval of the hospital director on time.

the deadline is end of this month which is not far off :(

Give me peace O Lord.

purely miniscule and random:

Hey I'm still 22 why Blogger says I'm 23

hmph

I'm not that old yet :P

table

The table has got an extension now heheh!

I can make do with a small table

I have passed 3 years of med school with it

So I can now for 4th year

♥

nice read

Pretty long (and it's in chinese which makes it difficult) but it's worth the read.

Choosing the right partner (from a Christianity point of view).

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

note: I read up to part 4 and decided to give my eyes a rest. Humans beings are imperfect and it's impossible to find the perfect flawless guy. But do read it as a guide to improve yourself for a better relationship with your future/current partner/spouse♥

♥

I ask God to fill my emptiness and he gave me people to talk to

not too long after that I received a text to meet up for coffee

someone asked me how was things going

I went out for supper after Friday cell and had a good fellowship

I called my high school bestie who was patient listening to me as I ramble on and I used up all my free minutes!

NEEC was great but the highlight was the night talk with the girls

Thank You Lord!

♥

♥ Esther you asked me how did I insert the ♥♥ thingy in the blog?

Nahhhh...

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Hahaha. I copied these little hearts from fb and pasted it on here :P

This week has been so busy and I foresee a busy weekend! my 7-day easter hols came and went really fast and I'm now left with 8 weeks to exams *clutches table* *hyperventilate*

白兔加油! 加油! self motivation lol. someone else motivate me lah! can anot? heheh :P

the magic of make-up!

wa geng!

If only i have the skills to make my small eyes look big like theirs lol! hahaha

I went to Wales for NEEC (North England Easter Conference) which was a 4-day event.

But I only went for 2 days :(

I was the official photographer though ♥♥

It was tiring as it means I have to be there for all programmes and also a challenge to my meagre photographer skills in terms of photographing events.

But it is a great joy to serve God using the talents (??) and photography gadgets he has blessed me with

all Leeds people who came

God bless ya:)

To let go...

I believe everyone is struggling with some issues in their life. Past mistakes take hold of them and stop them from moving forward; the hurts and pain from broken relationships; the need to control other people either consciously or unconsciously because we care for them; perhaps it's some fears that you have - fear of failing, fear of letting God down, fear of losing control, fear of not meeting expectations.

In the bible God says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 4:6-7).

and in 1Peter 5:7, it's written, "Cast all your anxieties on Him for He cares for you".

Are you struggling with something right now? If you are, learn to let go and entrust God to help you with that.

The following excerpt is taken from the overcoming fears series by UCB which I find meaningful ♥:

To let go...

doesn't mean you stop caring, it just means you can't do it for them
is not to cut them off, but to realise you can't control them
is not to enable, but to allow them to learn from their consequences
is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in your hands and it never was!
is not to try to change or blame somebody else but to make the most of yourself
is not just to care for but to care about
is not to fix but to be supportive
is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their own destinies
is not to be protective but to permit them to face reality
is not to deny but to accept
is not to nag, scold or argue but to search out your own shortcomings and work on them
is not to adjust everything to your desires but to take each day as it comes and cherist yourself in it
is not to criticise or regulate others but to try to become what you dream you can be
is not to regret the past but to grow and to live in the present

is to fear less...trust God...and love more!

Dear God, there are many fears within me, so many past mistakes that I blame myself for and so much things I want to take control of but I realise that I can't. You understand the struggles that I have in letting go. Lord today I ask that You help me with that. Help me focus on the negative things in my life that hold me back and teach me to turn them to positives. Help me be confident and see myself as how you see me - your child of God, specially and wonderfully made. Amen.

I think I could see the light at the end of this tunnel I'm walking in. Hope it's real this time :)

ok nite!

the crucifixion

'What is crucifixion? A medical doctor provides a physical description:

As he slowly sags down...on the nails in the wrists, excruciating pain shoots along the fingers and up the arms to explode in the brain; the nails in the wrists are putting pressure on the median nerves. As he pushes himself upward to avoid stretching torment, he places the full weight on the nail through his feet. Again he feels the agony of the nail tearing through the nerves between the bones of the feet. As the arms fatigue, cramps sweep through the muscles, knotting them in deep, relentless, throbbing pain. With these cramps comes the inability to push himself upward to breathe. Air can be drawn into the lungs but not exhaled. He fights to raise himself in order to get even one small breath...hours of this limitless pain, cycles of twisting, joint-rending cramps, intermittent partial asphyxiation, searing pain as tissue is torn from his lacerated back as he moves up and down against the rough timber. Then another agony begins: a deep, crushing pain in the chest as the pericardium slowly fills with serum and begins to compress the heart. It is now almost over; the loss of tissue fluids reaches a critical level; the compressed heart is struggling to pump heavy, thick, sluggish blood into the tissues; the tortured lungs are making a frantic effort to gasp in small gulps of air. He can feel the chill of death creeping through his tissues...finally he can allow his body to die.'

Thank You for dying on the cross dear Lord ♥

Things that need to be done

♥ ♥ ♥

1. book airtickets to go home!! (finally booked! such a relief!)

2. sort out electives! (another headache)

3. elective project (half done!)

4. edit lit review

5. reflective log

6. finish revising psych and gp (3/4 done!)

7. finish revising paeds!

8. finish revising c4